I am walking down the new corridor of the hospital
The only word that comes to mind: sterile
Light shines in from the many windows and the walls are
white
So white, it almost hurts my eyes
I love it
What is it about this place that makes me tick?
They say it takes a certain personality to function well
under emergency room pressure… is that true? Or have I just adapted to the
environment
There is chaos, yes!
But it is chaos in a well-controlled environment
It is fast-paced and you have to be flexible
You never know what will walk through the ER doors
You are having a heart attack?
Easy,
Follow the chest pain protocol
You may be having a stroke?
Cool,
Off to the CT scanner you go
There is a strategic plan in place,
and although we each go at it with different levels of
experience,
we still follow the same evidence-based protocol
Now tell me...
How does one adjust from fast-paced, life–threatening, all
consuming ER life to a "normal" member of a community and home?
How does one help another family grieve the loss of a young
life and then go home and make dinner and watch a TV show with their loved ones?
This is difficult for me sometimes
…
Outside of work, my life seems to resist being scheduled
“Our plan is… we have no plan!”
Life motto
(It may be to a fault)
I do not want to commit to plans,
because that means I have to plan my day
Is that wrong?
I want to wake up and see what happens
I want to go for a drive with no destination in mind
I want to be in nature and be overwhelmed by its perfection
I want to listen to an album of music and be completely
immersed and let it take me where it will
I want to be in an uncontrolled environment where I do not
know what to expect next
Surprise me
Please
Have I always been like this?
Or am I now a by-product of two very different worlds that
collide 3 days a week
Life: inside and outside of the hospital
Nature vs. Sterile
Maybe it is my own personal balancing act
Opposites attract, they say
Be true to yourself, they say
What if I feel like I have two “selves” competing for the
spotlight?
Maybe it is as simple as being authentic to yourself in each
and every moment
Living each day in its own light
Using your different and unique talents as the day requests
No explanations needed
…
I shared my thoughts with my mom late one night:
“Have I always been like this?
Hungry to be outside?
Feeling a need to explore and be uninhibited?
Am I changing, Mom?
Is my job changing who I am?”
“Honey, you have always been like that.
If you weren’t baking in the kitchen,
you were running around outside.”
“Thank you, mom.
You have no idea how comforting it is to me,
to hear I have always been myself.”
