The Espresso Machine

My sister had my name for Christmas this year and she bought me my very own ESPRESSO MACHINE!!! I was so excited I couldn't wait to try it! Tonight Mason and busted this puppy out for the first time and it works like a gem! I think Starbucks may be losing some money these next couple weeks...

stained-glass sugar cookies

These cookies are really fun to make! I got the recipe from "Everyday Food" issue 88 (this months issue). 

Ingredients:
- 3 cups all purpose flour
- 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
- 1/4 teaspoon salt
- 1 cup unsalted butter, room temp
- 1 1/4 cups sugar
- 4 large egg yolks
- 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
- finely crushed hard candy (such as lifesavers or Jolly Ranchers)

First: in a medium bowl mix the dry ingredients (flour, baking powder and salt). Set aside. In a large bowl beat together butter and sugar on high until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes. Beat in the egg yolks and vanilla and then gradually add the flour mixture. Form dough into two round disks, wrap in plastic and refrigerate for about 30 minutes.

Second: preheat over to 350. Working with one disk at a time, roll out dough on floured parchment paper (I have never done this before, but it really helps prevent the dough from sticking!). With a christmas cookie cutter, cut out dough in desired shapes and place on parchment lined cookie sheets about 1 inch apart. Take a smaller shaped cookie cutter and cut out the middle of each cookie.*

Third: bake for about 7-9 minutes or until the tops of the cookies are pale and set. Pull the cookies out of the oven and fill middle cutouts with crushed candy. Place back in the oven and cook for about 3-4 more minutes, or until the middle candy is melted and the cookie edges are browning.

Fourth: Let cookies cool before taking off parchment paper. Then take lots of great pictures with them because they are impressive and enjoy!

*Michael's has a cookie cutter set that actually has the center cutout attached to the bigger cookie cutter to make the cookie shape all in one step! It make the whole process a lot easier.

To be completely honest with you, the recipe takes a lot of time and attention. It is the perfect recipe if you are in the mood for christmas baking and have ample amount of time, but if you are in a hurry... do not even attempt this puppy. Also, my husband informed me that this sugar cookie base recipe is the best homemade sugar cookie he has had!

First day on my own

Today was the first official day of my ER career. My little wings have been sprouting for a while and I finally flew solo for the first time!

It was exhilarating and stressful and my feet are SCREAMIN at me but it was a great day overall...
you know why?

#1) no one died
#2) I am still alive
#3) the ED staff are awesome human beings

I told all the staff this morning to be on the lookout for:
- frantic eye movements, but no body movements (this is a sign my brain is working too fast for my body to comprehend)
-"deer in the headlights" look on my face
-papers flying in all directions
-all the blood rushing to my face (also a sign my brain is working very fast)

They all took my first day very serious and helped me as much as they could and for this I am very thankful!

I had so many patients give me a "knowing" smile today. I was definitely not broadcasting that it was my first day alone, but many of my patients today seemed to have a little extra patience and seemed to understand where I was coming from funny enough. I think the Lord sent a few angels to help me today, I really do...

I am so glad the FIRST day is done. Sign of relief.

On to the next!

Christmas Card Central

I think Martha Stuart's got competition 

just sayin

I will try to keep that in mind...

Last night I took care of an 80-something year old gentleman. Background: he came in with chest pain that had resolved by the time he got there but he had taken a medication called Nitro that helped the chest pain but gave him a headache. His blood pressure was also very high: 200s/100s when he arrived. Most likely he was going to have to stay in the hospital.

I took care of him for a few hours and as time passed he seemed to be getting more and more anxious about what his test results would show, whether he had to stay in the hospital and how long that would take. All of these are legitimate concerns and I tried to keep him updated as best as possible.

At one point we reached about as much of anxiety as he could take and he started to break.

My heart went out for him. Something about him spoke to my spirit and I don't know what it was but I felt compelled to speak with him about his anxiety. I asked him, "Have you every tried to manage your anxiety through non-medicinal methods? Like music, or yoga? Do you believe in God?"

There it was. I asked him. I felt like I needed to tell him to cast his cares on Jesus, that he couldn't do it all himself.

He answered by question with, "Me? Believe in God? NO. I am an atheist."

Well no wonder my spirit was reaching out to him!

He told me about his past in a few minutes and how much death had been around him and asked me what I made of it. He said my faith is a belief, just like anything else, to help me feel better. He asked me why my religion was superior to others and why I was right.

And he told me not to cry. hah, nice afterthought.

I told him, "You know what? I don't know why all those things happened to those around you. But I do know that God is still in charge. He does intervene in our lives on a daily basis, I have seen it and it strengthens my faith. God gave us our own choice to choose whatever we want and thats why we go to war with other countries and thats why there is a lot of wrong in the world. People wrong others all the time, due to their own free will. But God can intervene and does many times."

"I know that the religion you believe has a lot to do with where you grow up, who your parents are, whether you live in a country with freedom of religion or not. I have traveled to many different countries and seen many people practice their beliefs and it is like you said, many beliefs are just that, beliefs. Believing in something does not mean that it is true."

"But let me ask you this... have you seen a God that loves his followers, his people, so much that he has compassion on them? That he loves them so much he would die just so they could be together?

Right when we were getting to to good point, I had to give him some pain medication and then he answered me by pointing to his IV and stating, "THAT is my divine intervention! THAT is the good stuff."

Bummer...

Although his answer was slightly amusing, I was very saddened that I hadn't provoked thought in his mind about how loving our Lord is.

Right before he headed home, (yes he put up a big fight about staying in the hospital and the doc finally let him go home) he grabbed my hand and said, "I don't normally take advice from people, especially about things like this, but... I will try to keep it in mind" and he pointed to his head and smiled.

I hope he does

Oh I love you Christmastime

My tree topper of Joy

Handmade by my Grandma

Gotta have some fake glittery poinsettias 

Getting into the spirit of what christmas really means

All lit up

Joy in the Kitchen

A peppermint stick, for ol' saint nick

Almost gone... and its only December 1st

Let the countdown begin

Spicy Gingerbread Men

Too early for gingerbread men? I think not!

Ingredients:

- 1/2 cup margarine, softened

- 1/2 cup molasses 

- 1/2 cup sugar

- 1 egg yolk

- 2 cups flour

- 1/2 teaspoon salt

- 1/2 teaspoon baking soda

- 1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg

- 1/2 teaspoon baking powder

- 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

- 1 teaspoon ground cloves

- 1 teaspoon ginger

First: In a large bowl cream together butter and sugar until smooth. Stir in molasses and egg yolk.

Second: In a small bowl, combine flour, salt, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, ginger, cloves and nutmeg. Blend flour mixture into molasses mixture until smooth. Cover and chill dough for at least an hour.

Third: Preheat over to 350 degrees. Roll dough out to 1/4 inch thick and using cookie cutters, cut dough into desired shapes. 

Fourth: Place cookies on ungreased cookie sheet 2 inches apart and bake for 8-10 minutes. You can either sprinkle powdered sugar over cookies once cooled or frost with icing. 

I don't remember where I found this recipe, but I happened upon it last year and it made it to my cookbook! Hope you enjoy!

memories so real like a dream

Every time I listen to "Continuum" by John Mayor I am in the mustang with Shelby, driving home from Point Loma on the 15 freeway, both of us singing. Or sitting at the cliffs trying to get over boyfriends from home

Every time I watch the movie "Surviving Christmas"I think of my sister and brother and have to call them to quote the movie for a bit

Any time I hear swing music my feet just want to dance, remembering being a part of a dance troupe

Copeland puts my in the motorhome looking out the window at all the trees changing colors traveling across the country, ready to kill my brother

Franz Ferdinand is on the boat at the lake with my family and first boyfriend

The word "nineteen" makes me think of getting caught in the backseat of my car making out with Mason Dyer. The cop shined his light on us and asked us how old we were, I practically yelled "I'm twenty officer!" and Mason said with some anxiety in his voice "nineteen!"

The smell of my family's home when I walk through the door spills millions of memories growing up that I had no idea would even be memories

Panic at the disco put me two places: in the car singing with rachel and at the Starbucks on baseline and the 15 freeway at 1am standing on the front counter singing as loud as I can

Anytime I hear My Chemical Romance I am in the middle bench seat of Mason's old Suburban, he was driving and I was yelling every word to every song with Dillan Wheeler, on our way to get chipotle

Christmas Eve will forever be "Grandma's and Grandpa's house"

When I see an old Forerunner I think of all the times we had to coach Megan's forerunner up the grade and then congratulate ourselves that we made it (love that thing)

The Black Keys "Brother": I am in the Prius with Mason, headed up the coast with no destination in mind

College: living in a two bedroom apartment with 5 girls, all of us falling asleep in my room one rainy afternoon during finals, huge support group, 5 wardrobes, trying to learn how to workout, singing, dancing, crying, and then cleaning that stinking apartment, saying goodbye

Smelling Breakfast in the morning when you wake up = holidays

When I hear Death Cab for Cutie I am in my 68 mustang eating bags of swedish fish

Every time I open an energy drink I am in Bert's first toyota at 5am trying to beat traffic down to San Onofre to surf

Corndogs will now always remind me of how Mason proposed to me

The "E" channel and Eileen running out of her room saying, "Oh my gosh did you hear about this??"

Silverstein puts me in San Diego when Mike and my brother would come down to visit Shelby and me, I threw a pint of old ice cream out the window while mike was driving

The cliffs in OB with a bottle of Andre smoking my first cigarette, it didn't go well...

When I listen to old rock, I can picture my dad driving in his truck and me sitting in the passenger side, him asking, "Who is this? Do you know what album this song is from?" and then me taking a wild guess


These memories, they feel so real and close as if they happened yesterday. I had no idea they would be memories...
funny how some things stick and some don't

To Be or Not to Be... Cynical

Recently, I started thinking about life a little too much. I started to question things I normally don't give much thought to.

For example, lets take Mr. Homeless on the street corner in PB. I normally would give him some money if I had it, maybe offer to buy him lunch, or offer him my leftovers (I once saw guy with a sign that said "I love leftovers," no joke). The other day, I saw Mr Homeless and you know what thoughts came to mind? 

"I am NOT going to give you money! You know why? Because you will still be homeless, dirty, cold, and have a drinking problem. I will most likely see you in my ER next week and will give you more than you need, as you strip away needed resources from our hospital that other people could use."

Its silly, really, that I would have those thoughts, but I couldn't stop them. They were there before I even realized it and all of a sudden I was mad. I started thinking about the ins and outs of life a little too closely. I became overwhelmed with the plight of the human story. "Am I really making a difference?" "In the grand scheme of things, does love and compassion win over poverty and hurting?"

I think a lot of people get to that point. The point where... you just think about taking a break from fighting. Honestly, treating people with love and respect, with patience and kindness is a daily fight. I have to WILL myself to put others first and to put myself in their shoes. 

BUT IS IT WORTH IT?

I think I am becoming cynical. 

Last week I was reading a book by Donald Miller called "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years." In the middle of the book, he tells a story of a woman named Kathy, who had gone through more bad than good and was about to give up on her relationship with God; she wondered how a good God could exist with so much hurt around her.

This woman happened to take a trip to Rwanda near the time when the Rwandan genocide was taking place. She was overwhelmed by how many lives were lost, how much devastation was around her. She traveled to a memorial site that was a church and the book reads, 

"Kathy took the tour bus to Ntarama. She walked into the church and looked at the bones lying cold on the iron rails. She looked at the ragged and bloody clothes hanging from the walls. She was ready to feel the same old anger at God, only a thousandfold more. She was ready to pray her last prayer, announcing that she could no longer believe in God in a world with such pain, with so much devastation. But Kathy told me it was then and there, in that church that she heard from God. Instead of the old anger, she felt overwhelming tenderness and sorrow. This is what happens when people walk away from me, Kathy. I have brought you to this place to show you something important. This is what happens when my compassion and love leave a place. It is when people do not allow God to show up through them, she realized, that the world collapses in on itself." 

It is when people do not allow God to show up through them that the world collapses in on itself!

That's it. There is it. 

I read it over and over. 

When I do not show compassion to others, when my heart does not break when I see people hurting, when I turn the other way instead of helping, THAT is when the world really starts falling apart. If I give up on the good I have inside me through Jesus, how can I expect to see great things in the world?

I am still learning. I haven't chased any homeless people down this week with my new found passion, but I think I am heading in a better direction than before.

I forget that when I am busy judging other people, Christ is busy extending grace to them, extending grace to ME. What an amazing God we have...

The Wood-Burning Stove

My husband woke up this morning and said, "it's freezzzzzing!" 

And then he got up and said,

"I have an idea!"

He got a magazine and proceeded to try and light our wood-burning stove for the first time

A little unhappy that we are using HIS magazine

Putting the paper in just the right spot

The final outcome! Man made fire!

And the fire alarm didn't even go off once

now that's impressive

Homemade Corn Chowder

There is some rain in the forecast and this is the perfect recipe to warm some bellies!

Ingredients:

- 5-6 ears of corn (or you can substitute with 2-3 cans of corn)

- 2-3 medium Yukon potatoes, chopped

- 1 small onion, chopped

- 1 carrot, chopped

- 1 stick of celery, chopped

- 3-4 pieces of turkey bacon, cooked and chopped

- 2 1/2 cups chicken broth

- 1 1/2 cups almond milk (or reg. milk)

- 1/4 cup butter

- 2 sprigs of fresh thyme (leaves only)

- 1/2 teaspoon salt

- Pepper to taste

- 1/2 teaspoon Tumeric

- A few tablespoons of flour

First: start by turning on your crock-pot to low and pouring in the chicken broth. Next, peel and chop the veggies and the potatoes and put in the crock-pot. 

Second: If you are going to use fresh corn, strip the corn of the husk and all that hairy stuff and slice the corn off the cob. Hold the corn up and using a large knife, cut the corn off (as if you were cutting it off the cob for a child or someone with braces). Mix the corn in the with rest of the veggies in the crock-pot. 

Third: Cook the turkey bacon in a skillet and let cool. Break it into small pieces and add to the crock-pot with the rest of the ingredients, except the flour (milk, butter and seasonings). Let simmer for a few hours. 

Fourth: As it comes close to serving time, if the texture is not as thick as you would like, add a few tablespoons of flour as needed until you get the right thickness. Then serve!

You can tell this is my recipe by the lack of intelligent instructions. But really, you can make this recipe exactly as you like it with trying different spices and additives. I got most of my ideas by looking at different recipes online to see how others made it and I combined the ingredients I liked! Have fun!

R.I.P. Cupcakes

Just in time for Halloween! I got this recipe out of the Betty Crocker Magazine "Best Halloween Recipes 2011." I just changed a few things. If your in the mood to bake something spooky, they are perfect (and they aren't very hard to make either).


Ingredients:
- 1 box Duncan Hines Devil's food cake mix
- Water, vegetable oil and the eggs used for the cake
- 2 honey graham crackers, crushed
- 2 chocolate graham crackers, crushed
- 1 container of creamy white frosting
- 12 Milano sandwich cookies, cut in half
- A tube of ready-made chocolate frosting or homemade brown-colored frosting

First: Heat oven to 350 degrees. Place a halloween themed cupcake liner in each of the 24 muffin tins. Make the cake as directed on the box for 24 cupcakes. Let the cupcakes cool completely* before starting to decorate.

Second: Ice all the cupcakes with the vanilla frosting and set aside. In a large ziplock bag, crush the graham crackers (both kinds together) using a rolling pin and set aside.

Third: Take each Milano cookie and cut in half crosswise. Using the frosting, pipe onto the cookies different halloween sayings such as "R.I.P", "BOO", or tombstone dates "1811", "1790", etc. After decorating all the cookies, place in the freezer for a few minutes to help set.

Fourth: Now you are ready to assemble! Place the flat side of the "tombstone cookie" into the back of the cupcake and push down until the cookie stays in place by itself. Take as handful of the crushed graham mixture and sprinkle in front of the tombstone to look like grave dirt.

And now you have a very spooky cupcake!

*If you know you are going to make then ahead of time, you can actually made the cupcakes the night before and then decorate them the day you need them. It saves a lot of time!

In the beginning, there was this nurse who had no idea how hard the ER was

Adjusting to the emergency department has been incredible...
...and incredibly challenging.

I feel like the patients I see are most often as their worst. I keep thinking to myself, "how in the world did you get like this? What happened to you, in your life, that made you skip out and decide not to be present anymore?

Sometimes I will get a person who is drunk, intoxicated often times by multiple different drugs or alcohol, and they are... for lack of a better word

...awful.

The other night my preceptor and I got a man who was brought to us by ambulance, due to a fall he took at the bar (after many a drink or two). He came in handcuffed to the stretcher because he was so combative.

-just a side note, thats not normal-

He was drunk, combative and didn't think he needed help, although he was bleeding all down his face and in his hair. He was so loud and obnoxious, the ER doc thought he might have a brain bleed due to his manners and the obvious head trauma he had sustained. So, the doc ordered a head CT.

The patient was NOT about to have it. He didn't think anything was wrong, he started drunk dialing everyone he knew, yelling "YOU BETTER GET THE F*%K DOWN HERE AND PICK ME UP."

As the night went on, and the hours that we had this guy increased, I started to lose my patience. (normally you try to hide these things, what's our motto at work? Put the patient first?... yeah I don't remember). But I was not the only one to lose patience, my preceptor was also losing it. Actually I take that back, she wasn't just losing it, she lost it. Bye bye.

The patient was sitting up in bed and yelled at my preceptor to look at him. She was sitting with her back turned toward him and didn't turn around. She just sat there minding her own business, doing her thing, trying to ignore him, hoping he would just fall asleep. I thought to myself, that was not a good choice... and I was right.

The patient started yelling at her, at the top of his lungs "YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH! DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO HAVE CANCER? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO WATCH YOUR WIFE GO THROUGH A DOUBLE MASTECTOMY??

...and thats when he started crying and completely lost it.


Everyone has a story. Everyone has been through so many life shaping events that trigger either a positive response or a negative response, sometimes a detrimental response. How am I to see past their rudeness? How am I to get past their grotesque outward appearance to see how soft they are on the inside, how much they are hurting or breaking?

Jesus give me eyes like you have, a heart like you have. Please give me enough patience to help them where they need to be helped the most.

Chewy Caramel Mystery Cookies

These cookies are way delicious! My dad and Mason both agreed they are worth the extra effort! I got this recipe from an "Everyday Food" magazine.

Ingredients:
- 3 cups all-purpose flour
- 1 teaspoon salt
- 1 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
- 1 cup unsalted butter, room temperature
- 1 cup packed light-brown sugar
- 1/2 cup sugar
- 2 large eggs
- 1 teaspoon vanilla
- 1 cup caramels (about 20), halved
- 1 cup roughly chopped candy bars (such as Mr. Goodbar, Kit Kat, etc.)
- 3/4 cup small chocolate candies (such as mini M&Ms)

First: preheat over to 350 with racks in upper and middle thirds. Chop up all the candy bars and set aside.

Second: in a medium bowl mix flour, salt and baking soda. Set aside. In a large bowl, using an electric mixer,  mix butter and sugar on high until fluffy, about 3 minutes. Beat in eggs and vanilla. With mixer on low, beat in flour mixture in small additions until well combined. Fold in caramels and candy bars.

Third: Using an ice-cream scooper, drop dough 2 inches apart on parchment-lined* baking sheets. Bake 6 minutes. Remove from oven; immediately press small chocolate candies into cookies, the rotate sheets and bake until golden brown around the edges and set in the centers, about 6 more minutes.

Fourth: Transfer cookies to wire racks by taking the whole sheet of parchment off the cookie sheet and laying it on the cookies rack. Enjoy!


*make sure you get baking parchment paper and not wax paper... have I made that mistake before? ...yeah maybe.

A source of strength

Pumpkin Spice Bread with Maple Glaze

This is a collaboration of many different recipes that I have found online (mostly from a "Kitchen la Boheme" blog and Martha Stuart) and I think it is just right!

Ingredients:
- 1 1/2 sticks unsalted butter (melted)
- 1 cup sugar
- 1 cup packed light brown sugar
- 3 large eggs
- 1 15oz can of organic pumpkin
- 2 1/2 cups flour
- 2 teaspoons baking powder
- 1 teaspoon salt
- 1 teaspoon cinnamon
- 1/4 teaspoon ginger
- 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
- 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
- 1/4 teaspoon allspice

Glaze Ingredients:
- 1 cup plus 2 tablespoons of powdered sugar
- 1 teaspoon vanilla
- 1/3 cup maple syrup


First: Pre-heat over to 375 degrees. Butter and flour 2 8 1/2 by 4 1/2 loaf pans. In a medium bowl mix together flour, salt, baking powder and all the spices and set aside.

Second: In a large bowl whisk together sugars, pumpkin, melted butter and eggs. Mix in the flour mixture and stir until well combined.

Third: Divide batter between the two loaf pans and bake for approximately 50 minutes.* Let cool for 10 minutes and then transfer to wire rack to completely cool.

Fourth: Mix together all ingredients for the glaze. Using a fork, drizzle the glaze over pumpkin loaf in lines (back and forth) until loaf is covered.

 *Watch the loaf closely toward the end of the 50 minutes. Each oven is different and it may need a little more or less time. Its much better to leave it a little undercooked and let it finish cooking in the hot pan while it is cooling, than to over cook it.

The First of October

Mason and I decided to have a pumpkin adventure to celebrate the beginning of our favorite season. Our day was full of hay, Julian goodness, pick-your-own-apples, pumpkin patches (we had to visit a few just to make sure our pumpkins were perfect), and a few street fairs. We had a blast to say the least...

Rows and rows of apple trees

Mason started having a heat stroke...

A festival we happened upon

The corn seasoning stand! They don't mess around

A pie eating contest for kids

My pumpkins!