To Be or Not to Be... Cynical

Recently, I started thinking about life a little too much. I started to question things I normally don't give much thought to.

For example, lets take Mr. Homeless on the street corner in PB. I normally would give him some money if I had it, maybe offer to buy him lunch, or offer him my leftovers (I once saw guy with a sign that said "I love leftovers," no joke). The other day, I saw Mr Homeless and you know what thoughts came to mind? 

"I am NOT going to give you money! You know why? Because you will still be homeless, dirty, cold, and have a drinking problem. I will most likely see you in my ER next week and will give you more than you need, as you strip away needed resources from our hospital that other people could use."

Its silly, really, that I would have those thoughts, but I couldn't stop them. They were there before I even realized it and all of a sudden I was mad. I started thinking about the ins and outs of life a little too closely. I became overwhelmed with the plight of the human story. "Am I really making a difference?" "In the grand scheme of things, does love and compassion win over poverty and hurting?"

I think a lot of people get to that point. The point where... you just think about taking a break from fighting. Honestly, treating people with love and respect, with patience and kindness is a daily fight. I have to WILL myself to put others first and to put myself in their shoes. 

BUT IS IT WORTH IT?

I think I am becoming cynical. 

Last week I was reading a book by Donald Miller called "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years." In the middle of the book, he tells a story of a woman named Kathy, who had gone through more bad than good and was about to give up on her relationship with God; she wondered how a good God could exist with so much hurt around her.

This woman happened to take a trip to Rwanda near the time when the Rwandan genocide was taking place. She was overwhelmed by how many lives were lost, how much devastation was around her. She traveled to a memorial site that was a church and the book reads, 

"Kathy took the tour bus to Ntarama. She walked into the church and looked at the bones lying cold on the iron rails. She looked at the ragged and bloody clothes hanging from the walls. She was ready to feel the same old anger at God, only a thousandfold more. She was ready to pray her last prayer, announcing that she could no longer believe in God in a world with such pain, with so much devastation. But Kathy told me it was then and there, in that church that she heard from God. Instead of the old anger, she felt overwhelming tenderness and sorrow. This is what happens when people walk away from me, Kathy. I have brought you to this place to show you something important. This is what happens when my compassion and love leave a place. It is when people do not allow God to show up through them, she realized, that the world collapses in on itself." 

It is when people do not allow God to show up through them that the world collapses in on itself!

That's it. There is it. 

I read it over and over. 

When I do not show compassion to others, when my heart does not break when I see people hurting, when I turn the other way instead of helping, THAT is when the world really starts falling apart. If I give up on the good I have inside me through Jesus, how can I expect to see great things in the world?

I am still learning. I haven't chased any homeless people down this week with my new found passion, but I think I am heading in a better direction than before.

I forget that when I am busy judging other people, Christ is busy extending grace to them, extending grace to ME. What an amazing God we have...