Facing My Own Humanity

Photo obtained through jsnma.org

A few days ago, I walked into 7-Eleven and got a snack and walked outside to rent a movie from the Redbox. A homeless man about my age was standing right in front of the machine. I asked him if he wouldn't mind moving so I could use it. He promptly moved out of the way and then lifted the flap that was protecting the screen and proceeded to hold it up for me so I could see the movie choices. I quickly told him that wasn't necessary, that "I got it," and he backed away.

While I was still perusing my options of movies to rent, two young men walked out of 7-Eleven with a pizza in hand. The homeless man asked if they could spare any change, or "maybe even a slice of pizza," to which both of the young men ignored him, got in their car and drove away.

About this time, I had finished paying for my movie and I made the choice to walk home.

I walked past the homeless man.
I did not look him in the eye.
I did not offer to buy him food.
I ignored him.

I wrestled with this interaction for the rest of the day.
I am still wrestling...

Why did I ignore him?
Did I not want to acknowledge the need that was there?

I thought about when he held the screen up for me, and I told him that wasn't necessary;
I didn't want to owe him anything.

I thought about how I tell people that I like nursing because it is a job that "cares for others,"
but a tangible need was staring me in the face
and I chose to look away.

Will I keep looking away?
My own lack of compassion scares me.

Sometimes, I just wish I could sit down with Mother Teresa and ask her for advice...
but then again, I feel like she would just quote herself to me:

"Spread love everywhere you go: first of all in your own house... let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness; kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile."

...

There is a lot happening in the world right now,
and there are also a lot of opinions.

When it comes down to truth, sometimes it is hard to see.
(and sometimes it is downright overwhelming)

I think I want to start by keeping it simple,
reminding myself every morning to "be the living expression of God's kindness."